Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.

Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

Thanks to all those Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren't taken seriously any more.

After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards

After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.

Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."

No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

No warm blood for miles around DC.

Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.

and finally ... The most commonly heard complaint at a Vampire convention:

"Everybody here Sucks!"

Thanks For Visiting Vampire Complaints
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