Mother's Medications

M O T H E R 'S   M E D I C A T I O N S ============= D a m i t o l ============= Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to heck for up to 8 hours. =================== S t.  M o m 's   W o r t =================== Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. =================== E m p t y   N e s t r o g e n =================== Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. =================== P e p t o - b i m b o =================== Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. ============ D u m e r o l ============ When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music. =========== F l i p i t o r =========== Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. ================ A n t i b o y o t i c s ================ When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up. ================= M e n i c i l l i n ================= Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"  ============= B u y a g r a ============= Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. =================== E x t r a  S t r e n g t h   B u y - O n e - A l l ==================== When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. =================== J a c k - A s s p i r i n =================== Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. =================== A n t i - T a l k s i d e n t =================== A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. ============= R a g a m e t ============= When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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