Holiday Terror
by The Phantom Poet
A few short years ago,
Remember very well,
Was during holidays,
Turkey was on sale.
My wife and I had never tried
The kind that was self-basting,
The price was right for us to shop,
No time were we a-wasting.
She popped the bird into the stove
On Wednesday night at eight,
The roasting time would be enough
So the fowl would taste just great.
We moved into another room,
The cooking room was dark,
A clanking sound we both did hear,
It darn near stopped our heart!
Courageously, I sneaked around,
Peeked through the kitchen door,
Oh, such a sight I'd never seen,
I hope to see no more.
The turkey had jumped from the stove,
Had opened the Frigidaire,
A stick of butter did it hold
As it was standing there.
Self-basting, I had always thought
Was when injected oils
Came bubbling out as turkey bakes
Or as the turkey boils!
Not so, I found out on that night,
Our turkey, it did move,
He rubbed his legs, his thighs, his breast,
He jumped back to the stove!
Leftover butter had he placed
Back in the Frigidaire,
We tried to speak, but couldn't,
Could only stand and stare!
When I was Young
by The Phantom Poet
When I was very young
Was poor as I could be,
I seldom had a single gift
Left at our Christmas tree.
The other kids got presents,
Whatever they did seek,
At times when I was lucky,
I had one meal a week.
The greatest gift I ever got
Was one that I loved so,
My mother saved her money,
She bought for me a yo!
I didn't know till I grew up,
It struck me quite a blow,
The gift that I had loved so much
Was half of a yo yo!
The Raven
by The Phantom Poet
There's that dang bird again
A-Knocking at my door,
I'd like to catch that sucker
I'd stomp him through the floor!
He has sat there for a week
Assaulting my front portal,
It fooled old Edgar years ago,
He thought it was immortal!
The man who heard the raven talk
Heard it say,"Nevermore,"
This man had just been drinking,
Was lying on the floor!
I hope I've not hurt feelings
Of long time friends of Poe's,
If I have, I'm sorry,
That's the way it goes!
